Monday, September 10, 2012
It's been really hard. I miss my babies. Most people who don't have children don't understand how hard it is to leave them. My babies were literally a part of my body. I carried them for 9 months and then had a short 6 weeks maternity leave, now I am being separated from them to return to work. 6 weeks is not nearly enough time. I am still healing, still bonding, still working into getting used to this new routine and now all of a sudden I am expected to leave a part of me at home. I feel separation anxiety. I don't want to do this. I am sad today. I will be sad until 4:00, because the moment I get home and see my babies I will be happy again. Don't tell me that its a phase because even after I had Kellen, months later I still missed him terribly, every day, until I got home and was with him. I don't know how some working moms do it. I don't know how they can be excited to return to work after maternity leave! I started dreading it weeks before I had to go back! I've thought about furthering my education and returning to get my Master's degree, but I think it would be a waste of time and money. I don't want to be a career woman, I want to be a full time mommy. That's it! That's what I want to be when I grow up. That is what I am REALLY good at.