Monday, March 12, 2012

Mad over the CRAP

I am mad over the crap.  But no worries, it won't last long.  I just need to get this out.  I LOVE my blog.  Its my own personal journal and a way for me to express my own ideas, my own thoughts, my own way of airing the dirty and clean laundry when I feel like airing it.  I thought WAY too much about this, and I need to blog about this to release my mind from the CRAP that I've dealt with over the past couple days.  I really don't want to get into any details, but basically just a little bullying as they shield themselves behind their "friends" type thing.  Too coward to approach me, but start a rumor in efforts that it will get to me.  How childish. On one hand, I kind of feel like I'm a bit shattered into different pieces. On another hand, I just feel ticked.

What I don't like? Is that I let some of the crap and lies that were said about me penetrate to my soul and that's.just.not.me.
I'm a tough, roll-off my back type of chick. I've been through a lot, I've put up with a lot.  I thought this would disappear into the back of my mind just like all the other pointless crap.  But, apparently I'm not that chick since I thought about it too much. Or maybe I am softening up in my age.  Regardless, I don't like it. 

Because...words HURT.  Rumors hurt.

My husband tells me it's just bound to happen. Mean people are just that---mean. People who are unhappy with themselves. They pick out every itty bitty flaw you have and rub it in your face over, and over and over again.  They wait until they see you make the smallest move and then pounce.

Because the truth is?
I can look in the mirror on a daily basis and know I'm being true to myself, true to God, and true to my family. I'm happy. I have an amazingly incredible husband, gorgeous son, another baby boy on the way and caring family. I have people who support me, love me, and are there for me. I have friends who know my true character, readers who feel like they know me because of my honesty, and a God that forgives me when I mess up.  I am a mother.  I worry about my son's safety, his health, his happiness, what he eats, how much milk he drinks, what skills I should be teaching him, I don't have time for this childish high school drama!  Do you get it?  Do you understand that the energy you are putting into this will not make me lose focus of what I have to focus on?  MY SON!!  MY HUSBAND!  MY PREGNANCY!!  MY LIFE!!  I never realized that adults still behaved like children, I thought those days were over, well they ARE over for me, maybe not for the insecure.

So those lies, those rumors? I don't have to listen to--or believe. They aren't me. That's not me. I refuse to let others negativity bring me down. 

And? With all that--I decided to remove some people from my facebook page to protect myself, my family from all the negativity that this certain someone is trying to surround me with.  99% of the people I removed from my facebook page have NOTHING to do with this post.  I just need to clear my head. But blogging still remains. I think. After all, if you don't like what I have to say on MY BLOG or MY FACEBOOK PAGE, then GET LOST!  Oh, and the facebook strike will not last forever. Just until I feel better about the balancing act that is life.

Thanks for your constant support. Although I write because I desperately need the outlet, your support has been an awesome side bonus. 

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